Hungry Dog

jackMy dog is hungry.

He is ALWAYS hungry.

I can count on my one hand how many times I’ve seen him turn away food. Twice. He is 8.Twice. And the second time happened in December. I’ve only seen him full once.

He is a lab.

His name is Jack.

We didn’t get him for the kids. I wanted him. I searched out breeds, talked to my vet, searched breeders and drove 5 hours with the shingles and the boys to pick him up.  Within the first week of owning him we questioned my decision. THAT should have been our first clue. Kevin and I sat on the porch swing and talked about taking him back but we decided not to. We actually had this talk more than once. But Jack still lives with us. And eats our food and his food.

somber jack

People that have labs say this is normal. You tell me.

He has eaten…

6 over ripened bananas including peels (waiting to be made into banana bread)

1 stick of butter

1 chocolate cake

12 individual bags of chips

10 foot long hoagie buns (this is when I saw him full because he left 2 in the floor)

Countless bags of buns, rolls, and loaves of bread

Half a pan of brownie (because that is what was available)

1 large bag of Christmas bite size Milkyway bars (vet trip- 12 still whole in package)

1 pink Hello Kitty barrette (also included in Milkyway vet trip)

1 month supply of blood pressure medication

Countless packs of gum

1 bag of individually wrapped wintermint lifesavers

Countless pans of cinnamon rolls (his favorite)

Chad’s sack lunch

1 ziplock bag of cashew nuts

1 long wood screw

Countless trips to the litterbox

Countless pounds of catfood

½ a pizza

2 square firestarters (all natural)

Loads of persimmons

The crust of pizza before I could make it

A finger off work gloves

Container of Almonds

10 cups of dog food in mere minutes (5 days worth)

Box of Nilla Wafers

One crabby patty

20 boiled eggs waiting to be dyed for Easter (shells and all)

2 expensive chocolate bar from the caribbean

I really should have been keeping a list these 8 years because I know there is much more. If you came to visit would not think Jack is a bad dog. In fact he is well trained. Maybe a little rusty but trained. I have taken him through many obedience classes. He even received his Canine Good Citizen certificate. I had lofty plans for Jack. But Jack gets just too over the top excited with personal attention and those plans went out the window and down the mountain.

Jack is opportunist.

Jack gets most of his “finds” off the counter. He is a great counter surfer, and I blame the kids for leaving food too close to the edge. Jack is smart. He never gets into things in front of us. But I was witness to his crime. While sitting in the keeping room in low light  and Jack didn’t know I was there. He circled around the island popping up on his hind feet peering up on the counter to see what was left out. I dubbed this “spy hopping”. Similar to what the Orcas do; popping their heads out of the water to see what food is around. Then when he spotted a package of buns he put his front paws on the counter and stretched and reached until success. My jaw dropped. His front legs worked like a praying mantis reaching and stretching. His reach was incredible. Our safe zone shrunk to a small circle behind the faucet. I was in awe at his technique. The dog I have to help into the back of my SUV can do THIS for food!!!!!

But still training 3 people in the house and their guest to put food in the safety zone and close the pantry door has been difficult at best and Jack continues to hit the lottery. Usually during the middle of the night and we see the carnage of sacks or bags or tinfoil in the morning. The cinnamon rolls are the most sorely missed and he seems to like those the best. The last time he got one the pie tin was licked almost as flat as a plate.

His constant hunger isn’t always a bad thing. Well, it is but sometimes it comes in handy. He keeps the floor clean while making his shark like circles through the kitchen. Last year Kevin heated up a huge crockpot of vegetable beef soup on the stovetop. (Read that sentence again).  Yes, the crockpot liner on the stovetop and it cracked and soup went everywhere and Jack scored big! I would have loved to have seen this comedy! Just the thought cracks me up. Kevin trying to salvage a bowl for dinner, and clean up and Jack under his feet eating all that hits the floor. Kevin said Jack was eating so fast he didn’t even notice the pieces of soup falling on his back and head.

He was also instrumental in helping clean up a gallon of milk that busted on the hardwood floor. This is also when he ate the wood screw. 2” screw gone!

hurt nose

We quit calling the vet after Jack turned 2.

I started posting Jack’s antics on Facebook years ago. My friends really like his stories. They can’t believe he is 8 and still acts like this. I googled the the life span of a English Lab years ago and we have at least 4 more years.

We gave him away once. They brought him back after 6 weeks. They said he was too much. I believe it.

But He is obviously in a house that he is lovedl liked a lot. He gets regular vet checks, walked sometimes, stays inside but has a fenced in yard, a basket of toys, and plenty of food. We like to complain about him but he gets bacon drippings on his food, an extra cup of food on his birthday. I bake him soup bones for rainy days, he goes on hikes with the girls and me.  Kevin brags on him when he barks at bad guys. We haven’t sat on the porch and talked about taking him back in several years, although Kevin might have tried to give him away while I was out of town last.

watching for food

For a while I put canned green beans in his food to help take his edge off the hunger but he still had this constant drive for food so I’m saving the green beans for us now. I’ve been assured this is just a lab being a lab. He eats everything I’ve ever given him except broccoli. He wasn’t a fan.

I told you he was smart.


ps: found him like this after posting. asleep with my house shoe he got out of my closet that I just took from him this morning! my house shoe








14 thoughts on “Hungry Dog

  1. Katey, this was one of the best posts yet! I laughed through the entire thing. You see, my Weimaraner allows me to live with her and she is JUST. LIKE. JACK! Thank you for continuing to tell us his tales……makes me so happy to know there are other families out there that understand a lovable dog’s sense of humor…errrr, hunger. :)

  2. i am still laughing…you didn’t even tell them what all he has distroyed…like kevin’s vintage car, well, parts of it…and digging up the pipeline the man had just buried in the backyard…or helping kevin with other stuff that entailed digging. what a dog!!

  3. Very funny when seen in type, but nothing beats a good Jack story straight from you when we are traveling around!!! Did you already write about Jack stuck in the creek?

  4. You know Jack has a “brother” named Bear out here in California with a similar rap sheet:-) I love your Jack stories. My Bear ate my daughter’s retainer when he was 9 months old. During the surgical removal ($2600) the vet also found Qtips, pencils, rubber bands, bottle cap, pen cap, miscellaneous paper and a toy plastic dog. We also keep a “Bear safe zone” with limited success. Top of fridge and back of stove are usually safe. Give Jack a pat from me.

  5. I adore the Jack Stories!!! They always make me laugh!!! Thank you for sharing them with us!!! I’m also thankful he lives at your house and not mine!! Haha!! :)

  6. Your Jack sounds just like my Dylan, looks at lot like him too! My dad had a yellow lab that used to eat everything, including soap, an apple pie covered with tin foil (even the tinfoil), chocolate, everything. My Dylan would eat anything too. Twice we had to rush him to the ER vet because he ate a corn cob. The first wasn’t bad, but the second one required surgery. He was diabetic too and required twice daily shots, special food, etc, etc. He passed away over two years ago and not a day goes by that i don’t miss him terribly. I tried to give him away a time or two around age 4 after he ate the second mattress. I just couldn’t bear to part with him though.
    I like your blog, found you through Nina (Ornamental).

    • Laura, thank you for sharing your story of Dylan. I forgot but jack ate a corncob too! It rolled off Chads plate and was gone before we could get it!! No mattresses though!! Thank you for visiting. Love Nina and her beautiful writings!

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