I’m 10 today.

Lots of folks reflect back on their past when a big birthday rolls around.Last night as I laid in my crate I did just that. I thought about the stuff i’d done that i’m not too proud about and things I’m real happy about and then i speculated on my next year and how i can make it good.

My List

I’m not too proud about

• the last time I peed by the front door cause that caused the people that live with me to get out my crate again after 5 years which ended my free range at night. I’m not sorry about the other pees, just the last one. The others felt super good.
• i regret the time i followed drew and his friends across the road and i wouldn’t come home and they had to carry me home.
• I’m embarrassed too bout all the times mom, dad and even Philippa had to lift me in the back of the big car. I don’t regret it just embarrassed by it.
• embarrassed the time Tubby came to play at my house and I took my ball and hid behind the bush. (she’s a big girl)
• not proud of the time the doctor had to follow me around with a soup ladle to catch my pee.
• chewing up pinocchino’s feet. (mom made me put this on the list)

Most proud moments

• just now i had a “silent but deadly” and pretended it wasn’t me.
• all the times i cleaned out the litter box WITHOUT getting caught.
• figuring out how to open the cat food container and gained 7 lbs. they still wouldn’t know i could do it but I got too greedy and knocked the container over and made a big noise in the middle of the night and they caught me (this should go in my not proud list)
• i can get one lick in on every single person that comes to my house. I prefer a lick on the hand
• when i kept 22 boiled eggs down without throwing up
• passing stinky gas again, just now.
• when i flunked therapy dog try outs. sounded like too much work.
• chewing up an “indestructible” kong in 20 minutes.
• pretending not to learn to play fetch or to swim.
• killing 6 bushes in the back yard by peeing on them consistently till they died.
• everything i ever ate that wasn’t in my dog bowl, including 20 loaves of hoagies, countless loaves of bread, chocolate cake, (chocolate is okay for me) bags of chips, pop tarts, nuts, cream cheese, butter, milky ways, hello kitty hair clip, Jamaican Chocolate, 4 lb. of cashews, toothpaste, countless packs of gum, thumbs off work gloves, brownies, hamburger buns, chapstick, granola bars, marshmallows, gummy bears, sheetrock, machine screws, spilt milk, car parts, (expensive one too) pizza, crackers, glue sticks, soap, blood pressure medicine, bunch of bananas, etc…

I feel better now getting all that stuff out of the way.

I’ve got some ideas though to make my 10th year be the best.

• try to be good so they let me out of the crate at night. this is when i found the most “goods” left out and scored big time while everyone is asleep. i’ve been trying by sleeping soundly and snoring near bed time hoping they will feel sorry for me and not make me get up. if they do then i limp like crazy all the way to the crate and look back at them with sad eyes. hasn’t worked yet but not giving up.
• i’m going to continue bringing dad’s socks into the den and untie them for him.
• also all dirty towels I will bring into the den shake them and lay on them (why stop now)
• i will also try to lick myself more often when people are visiting. they need to know we are clean people
• try to drag behind more on walks so they have to wait. they seems so happy when i finally make it to them. don’t want to disappoint.
• try to convince Annie to stop burying her poops so deep in litter box and to NOT cover Sawyers. I had Sawyer trained to not cover his and then Annie started doing it for him. this has really cut my calorie count way too low.
• lick Annie’s bottom more often. I think she likes it.
• work on my “haven’t eaten yet” look, after I’ve already eaten.
• figure out the automatic feeder.
• find more persimmon trees and eat more crickets
• unstuff more toys
• sneak socks outside to enjoy later
• do more daytime counter surfing

Lofty goals I know but seeing how I’m really 75 in human years and I’ve got the “poor jack” working for me with this limp I should be able to get away with more. I need to make the most of it while I can.

Thanks to all my fans. And tell me if you have any other ideas about making being 10 good.

Jack